| I cannot sleep again. Bad thing is, I seem to be running okay on a few hours of sleep. For normal people, that'd be great. For bipolar people, it means trouble. Carp! So since I got up so early, I decided to try to entertain myself so that I wouldn't wake the Yeti at 4am. So now I'm clean and dressed and have bouncy curls in my hair and a face full of makeup.... and no one's awake to appreciate it and I have nowhere (other than the donut shop?) to go to make it worth my while. But hell, it was fun anyway because I got to play with makeup and curling irons and stuff, which I've severely neglected over the past year or so. Which leads me to my next question of sorts. The Yeti claims he likes me with and without makeup. So, for the sake of ease and laziness, for the past several years, I've gone without for the most part. Is that bad? Apparently, it's breakfast time for all the cats. They're up, moving around, having their noms like nothing abnormal is going on. Just because Mommy woke up super early and Daddy is the one still in bed (roles reversed) doesn't seem to be affecting them at all. Sometimes, I love how resilient cats are. I'm also glad that el pupper dog-o is currently staying with her grandparents because otherwise, I'd be out walking her right now in the dark! *sigh* Someone pointed out that for someone who hates moving, I sure do move around a lot. Which is true. And then I figured out that it's not the moving that bothers me; for I love a fresh start. But oy vey do I hate all the logistics that have to be lined up juuuuust right to actually carry out a successful move. With the Yeti "separating" from the military (gotta get that correct jargon in there), there's a lot more paperwork and hoops to jump through than with the other moves. And unfortunately, things like some of our benefits and MONEY have to be timed just right to keep us from being in a bad position. *deep breath* However, I have faith that it'll all work out in the wash. The Yeti is doing everything in his power to make sure things line up just right and the rest of it, we can just wing it. Winging it while looking like you know what you're doing seems to be the whole point of being a grownup. Is it just me? We put a lot of thought and research into decisions and we really try to do the right thing, but when it comes down to it, I feel like a lot of this whole being an adult bullshit is just an act. We don't know what we're doing. We have no frickin' clue. We know what we want out of the next several years (although I daresay neither one of us know what we want out of "life" as an encompassing whole), but the whole how and where and stuff is a complete mystery. We ride the waves as they come to us. Sometimes, those waves bring financial stability, other times they bring times of strain. Sometimes we're happy in our situations, others we're dissatisfied. Either way, you ride the wave until the next one comes crashing down upon you and you just float along, hoping not to drown. That's what being a grownup feels like to me. You figure it out as you go along, take the advice of those wiser, and do your research. Beyond that, pretty much everything is a gamble. Cars, houses, retirement, investments... all of it can be yours... and all of it can be lost. And at the end of the day, does any of it even matter? My life is nowhere like I thought it would be by the time I reached this age. And sometimes, I'm very dissatisfied with that. I'm not going to lie. But ultimately, I wouldn't change much. Take off a few pounds, add a found hundred to the bank accounts, negate the need to ever do dishes.... ya know, the usual. But big picture, I'm okay with where I've ended up. Considering the number of horrible, destructive relationships I was in before marrying the Yeti, I think I got pretty lucky by choosing the one I did for life. We've had our ups and downs and bad times, but damn it, no matter what else is going on, I still think he's totally the bees knees. Four and a half years later, and I still want to introduce him to everybody I know because I just KNOW they'll love him. What we have isn't perfect, but ya can't fight it, either. Ooooh I hear him stirring. Maybe he'll notice I'm not in the bed and he'll wake up and come entertain me...................................................... or not. Damn. I am slightly concerned because there is a spot under one of my arms that has become very sensitive. There's nothing visible and I can't feel any sort of lump or ingrown hair type thing. But damn does it hurt. I would say that it's probably a lymph node going crazy, but if that were the case, I'd probably be feeling sorta sick too. But I feel fine... better than I have lately considering that awful cold I had. So of course, my gut is screaming "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A RAGING CASE OF LYMPHATIC CANCER". When, in actuality, it's probably nothing. Thank you, darling Xanga friends for listening to me ramble. I am much more upbeat than I felt several days ago and part of that is knowing that I have you guys to listen and support me. I have no idea what the future holds and I'm a-okay with that. Over the past four and a half years that I've had this blog, good and bad things have happened. I've made and lost friends. I've pissed some people off and gotten pissed off myself. But really, this was never about that. It was about getting things off my chest in a diary type fashion. And for that, this little blog has really served it's purpose. And I think THAT is really awesome |
